«Dear Editor at Cool Read Magazine.
Hey, you know what? I hav this great idea for an article that I could write, and I just know you will like it. I have wanted to be a writer for, oh, ages, and now that I’ve split with with my girlfriend I have plenty more time available in the evenings. I wrote a few pieces about fly-fishing for a site my friend Bob runns, and lots of people sayy they liked it. Not everybody knows how to fish with flies, and I do.

Anyway, I thought maybe you’d like an article abot fishing too. I was out in the hills for a couple of days last week, and caught some real nice salmon up in Bluff Creek. Tasted all right, too. I’ve been up there before; nice fishing if you get up there this time of the year. Them blue and greens are killers, I can tel you!

So, what do you say dude (or dudette?), want my story ? I can do it in around two full pages, in two or three days. I can’t tomorrow; have to do some digging work for my uncle Lewis. But anyway it’ll cost you a 12 quid. Ok, I’m a nice dude you know, I’ll do it for 10. But I’ll need them next week, ok?

As i said, it’s a story about fly-fishing, Bluff Creek style. I am sure you will love it, even if it will look a bit weird among all those tales of girls in love. And if you won’t have it, I’ll let Bob have it - I know HE appreciates my stuff.

Your friend,
James Elroy.

PS: I enclose a couple of stamps in the envelope, so you can write back and tell me I got the job. See, I know you have to do these things - I am a pro now.»

 

Ok, you can laugh now. It is a pretty horrible sample of a query letter, and has never been sent or received by anyone. It does, however, illustrate just how many times you can stumble in spite of the best intentions of doing something right. Spelling and grammar mistakes, poor use of language, asking for money, failing to name the article and employing a sarcastic tone are all mistakes that any intelligent writer can avoid. But this letter contains problems that are even worse.

1. Too longwinded. Editors are not particularly dim; telling them something twice is not necessary. Get to the point as fast as you can; putting in more details than you need tells the editor that you cannot keep your writing focused.

2. Was not centered on the customer's needs. The writer not only sent his article about fly-fishing to a romance magazine, he had not even bothered to check what length submissions should have. All such information is usually available in the magazine's submission guidelines.

3. Not abiding by accepted writing routines and standards. Using an unusual font is sufficient to get a rejection by many editors, but failing to enclose a stamped card or envelope with the your name and address on it is worse. Editors receive far too many queries to bother with the ones who expect them to pay for answering.

Could this letter have been rewritten as a more acceptable query? Certainly. Here’s what the letter COULD have said, if the writer had done his homework:

«Dear Mr. Fitzgerald.

I would like to write for Hairy Chests Magazine. My recent experience with writing include some articles for a non-commercial web-page, and I am looking for more work in this venue.

At this time, I would like to submit an article about fly-fishing: «Bluff Creek’s Secret». I am a regular fisherman and was on my last trip just a few days ago; the pictures I took would illustrate this article well.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best Regards,
James Elroy

PS: A stamped and addressed reply card is enclosed.»

Notice the difference? The new letter told the editor all he needed to know--what kind of article the sender wanted to write, hints of practical knowledge within the theme of the article, and nothing more. That’s all the editors need!